Honestly

I thought I should bring you up to speed on the Go St.Louis Biggest Loser run.

I need to move on, so I feel like I need to get this off my chest so that I can.

The contest winner was the person with the most votes, which were comments and likes.

I found out last week that a close friend of my husband and myself was being very helpful and made a questionable decision. There is a company out there that I guess he paid $5 to get 500 likes on my picture. That explains the insane number of likes right. :/

I didn't tell him I was going to have to back out of the contest because of it, but I new immediately it was the right thing to do. In fact he obviously eventually figured out on his own that that's what happened. Truthfully he's a really great guy and was really just trying to help, and I know that, I felt horrible just knowing how bad he would feel about it.

Ok, that's a whole lot of feeling going on, I know. This is why I just want it to be out of my mind.

The thing about it is this, the picture that got me into the final 12, and the picture that my friends, family and myself, sent all over the planet... Was a terrible picture of a very honest moment in my life. If it weren't for the contest I never would have posted it EVERYWHERE! LoL
The picture was of a moment when i truly decided that i could believe in myself and DECIDE to never be a failure again. I decided to love the person that God created. For the past 16 years that is what i have made myself feel like, a failure! Gaining and losing the same 50 to 80 pounds over and over again! Also, it was an honest plea to win a contest that I really wanted to win.

I hated putting myself out there like that but I do think that I can be an encouragement to others to believe in the person that God created them to be as well!

Also, all of the love and support that I did honestly receive in comments was such an unbelievable blessing!!! When I found out for sure that some of the likes had been bought and I had to write to the contest people I was obviously humiliated, horrified and embarrassed.

Then I didn't want to tell all of you either, because while I don't have high expectations of others, I care a great deal about the expectations that others have for me. I don't care what you THINK of me maybe, :) but I worry way too much about letting people down.

Anyways, I didn't feel like a failure, but I did feel like I owed you an explanation. I also didn't want you to think that I just quit or gave up on myself or that there was something wrong. I'm totally fine, physically and mentally (mostly) lol. I still feel blessed beyond belief and am moving forward.

Lastly, so I can sleep better, I need to say ... that I was bummed that I never did hear ANYTHING back from the contest people. I know they don't owe me anything and they obviously shouldn't care about me or my feelings. I'm sure for them it was just,"one less thing" but for me I guess it helped me decide that it's over.The Biggest Loser is a great show, it helps plenty of people, and it's great when people can be inspired by other contestants. But even in participating in that contest, I was SUPER excited about it, but at the same time I was SO SICK of myself. Sick of the picture and spending so much time "promoting" myself.

Thankfully, I remembered this the other day, if there is ANYTHING you like about me, it IS NOT ME THAT YOU LIKE it is my heavenly father who's spirit lives in me! And knowing THAT my friends cannot compare to a contest or a reality show! It cannot be bought, won, or taken away! <3

Thank you soooo much for the love<3

LSL <3