Honestly

I thought I should bring you up to speed on the Go St.Louis Biggest Loser run.

I need to move on, so I feel like I need to get this off my chest so that I can.

The contest winner was the person with the most votes, which were comments and likes.

I found out last week that a close friend of my husband and myself was being very helpful and made a questionable decision. There is a company out there that I guess he paid $5 to get 500 likes on my picture. That explains the insane number of likes right. :/

I didn't tell him I was going to have to back out of the contest because of it, but I new immediately it was the right thing to do. In fact he obviously eventually figured out on his own that that's what happened. Truthfully he's a really great guy and was really just trying to help, and I know that, I felt horrible just knowing how bad he would feel about it.

Ok, that's a whole lot of feeling going on, I know. This is why I just want it to be out of my mind.

The thing about it is this, the picture that got me into the final 12, and the picture that my friends, family and myself, sent all over the planet... Was a terrible picture of a very honest moment in my life. If it weren't for the contest I never would have posted it EVERYWHERE! LoL
The picture was of a moment when i truly decided that i could believe in myself and DECIDE to never be a failure again. I decided to love the person that God created. For the past 16 years that is what i have made myself feel like, a failure! Gaining and losing the same 50 to 80 pounds over and over again! Also, it was an honest plea to win a contest that I really wanted to win.

I hated putting myself out there like that but I do think that I can be an encouragement to others to believe in the person that God created them to be as well!

Also, all of the love and support that I did honestly receive in comments was such an unbelievable blessing!!! When I found out for sure that some of the likes had been bought and I had to write to the contest people I was obviously humiliated, horrified and embarrassed.

Then I didn't want to tell all of you either, because while I don't have high expectations of others, I care a great deal about the expectations that others have for me. I don't care what you THINK of me maybe, :) but I worry way too much about letting people down.

Anyways, I didn't feel like a failure, but I did feel like I owed you an explanation. I also didn't want you to think that I just quit or gave up on myself or that there was something wrong. I'm totally fine, physically and mentally (mostly) lol. I still feel blessed beyond belief and am moving forward.

Lastly, so I can sleep better, I need to say ... that I was bummed that I never did hear ANYTHING back from the contest people. I know they don't owe me anything and they obviously shouldn't care about me or my feelings. I'm sure for them it was just,"one less thing" but for me I guess it helped me decide that it's over.The Biggest Loser is a great show, it helps plenty of people, and it's great when people can be inspired by other contestants. But even in participating in that contest, I was SUPER excited about it, but at the same time I was SO SICK of myself. Sick of the picture and spending so much time "promoting" myself.

Thankfully, I remembered this the other day, if there is ANYTHING you like about me, it IS NOT ME THAT YOU LIKE it is my heavenly father who's spirit lives in me! And knowing THAT my friends cannot compare to a contest or a reality show! It cannot be bought, won, or taken away! <3

Thank you soooo much for the love<3

LSL <3

Overwhelmed!

It's been a while since my last blog and I cannot believe what has happened since!!!

On facebook I follow several of the Biggest Loser alumni, I guess you'd call them. Two of my favorites are Jennifer Rush Jacobs and her dad Jay Jacobs!!! They look AMAZING, have great personalities, they post often and reply to questions and acknowledge their fans <3 They are inspiring and encouraging!
Anyways, so one day I was inspired to enter a contest they are having. The winner gets to run with them and their, son\brother Matt Jacobs, in the Go St.Louis marathon relay team.
I almost didn't do it because we have a lot going on travel/expense wise right now AND you had to submit a picture!!!!! As a rule I hate pretty much every picture of myself, so entering one in a contest .... would be a long shot.

Anyways, I decided I'd send in my Stop Sign picture. And the day before they were supposed to announce the 12 finalists I remembered to tell my husband about it. :) lol
I remembered because my family was joking about how I always comment on peoples FB pages who are famous and such and they wouldn't typically do that. But I told them that often times they will comment back and engage :)

I kind of mentioned the contest, and told him that it would be in St.Louis and I know I probably shouldn't even really try and go, I mean I was just gone for a week last month so.... Anyways, I was SHOCKED when I got the email a few days later saying that I was a finalist!!!!! I don't know how many people even sent in pictures, maybe only 12? How I got so lucky i don't know but I WAS like... Oh my word... What have I gotten into?!?!!!! ;) and.... is this really happening!?!!!!
I sent hubby an email at work and as always he was completely supportive and so happy for me, and said we'd make it to St. Louis if I win, no problem. I'm a dreamer and he's the guy who makes it happen! <3 love that man!!!!

So.... 5 days later, my friends and family and I have posted my horrible Stop Sign picture all over FB and it says I have over 800 votes!!!!

For the record, I still don't believe it. I REALLY want to win. I can't imagin getting to meet and run with the Jacobs family!!!! I want it to be real, but I'm a low expectation kind of gal and in the end I feel like some of the votes won't really be there or something. It just doesn't make sense to me.

But I write all of that to say... I was looking back at some of the comments on my picture tonight and I started to cry. Hear I go again! I know it is just a click of a button to vote, or just a few words. But that click of a button and those few words of love and encouragement .... from family, friends, church family old and new, former classmates,and even Jack's preschool teacher voted for me today!! <3
I just want you all to know that even if I lose this contest and don't get to meet the Jacobs or Amanda Tyson (she rocks too!) I have already won!!!

<3 Each vote has inspired me to keep believing in myself, keep pushing forward and to never give up!!!

Dreams don't ALWAYS come true...but sometimes.... THEY DO!!!

Much LOVE!!!
LSL