Sydneys Song

Overwhelmed!

2012-03-09T19:29:00.001-08:00

It's been a while since my last blog and I cannot believe what has happened since!!!

On facebook I follow several of the Biggest Loser alumni, I guess you'd call them. Two of my favorites are Jennifer Rush Jacobs and her dad Jay Jacobs!!! They look AMAZING, have great personalities, they post often and reply to questions and acknowledge their fans <3 They are inspiring and encouraging!
Anyways, so one day I was inspired to enter a contest they are having. The winner gets to run with them and their, son\brother Matt Jacobs, in the Go St.Louis marathon relay team.
I almost didn't do it because we have a lot going on travel/expense wise right now AND you had to submit a picture!!!!! As a rule I hate pretty much every picture of myself, so entering one in a contest .... would be a long shot.

Anyways, I decided I'd send in my Stop Sign picture. And the day before they were supposed to announce the 12 finalists I remembered to tell my husband about it. :) lol
I remembered because my family was joking about how I always comment on peoples FB pages who are famous and such and they wouldn't typically do that. But I told them that often times they will comment back and engage :)

I kind of mentioned the contest, and told him that it would be in St.Louis and I know I probably shouldn't even really try and go, I mean I was just gone for a week last month so.... Anyways, I was SHOCKED when I got the email a few days later saying that I was a finalist!!!!! I don't know how many people even sent in pictures, maybe only 12? How I got so lucky i don't know but I WAS like... Oh my word... What have I gotten into?!?!!!! ;) and.... is this really happening!?!!!!
I sent hubby an email at work and as always he was completely supportive and so happy for me, and said we'd make it to St. Louis if I win, no problem. I'm a dreamer and he's the guy who makes it happen! <3 love that man!!!!

So.... 5 days later, my friends and family and I have posted my horrible Stop Sign picture all over FB and it says I have over 800 votes!!!!

For the record, I still don't believe it. I REALLY want to win. I can't imagin getting to meet and run with the Jacobs family!!!! I want it to be real, but I'm a low expectation kind of gal and in the end I feel like some of the votes won't really be there or something. It just doesn't make sense to me.

But I write all of that to say... I was looking back at some of the comments on my picture tonight and I started to cry. Hear I go again! I know it is just a click of a button to vote, or just a few words. But that click of a button and those few words of love and encouragement .... from family, friends, church family old and new, former classmates,and even Jack's preschool teacher voted for me today!! <3
I just want you all to know that even if I lose this contest and don't get to meet the Jacobs or Amanda Tyson (she rocks too!) I have already won!!!

<3 Each vote has inspired me to keep believing in myself, keep pushing forward and to never give up!!!

Dreams don't ALWAYS come true...but sometimes.... THEY DO!!!

Much LOVE!!!
LSL

Stop Sign

2012-02-20T16:40:00.001-08:00

Stop Sign is the name of a hike at Fitness Ridge. In the whole scheme of things it's not actually probably too difficult, but there is just something about it.

Before I tell you about my experience with Stop Sign I just have to share a few other cool moments that got me to Stop Sign.

I have, like I've said before, been dieting for about 16 years. I have had many successes along the way, but NEVER quite made my final goal and obviously never figured out how to keep the weight off.

The closest I ever came to keeping 70 pounds off was when my husband and I really took up running. We trained for and ran 2 half marathons. Well, the second one we mostly walked and didn't really prepare for, we just did it to support a friend, and when she was ready to walk we glady obliged :) Anyways, running sometimes more than 20 miles a week, we were able to keep our weight down for almost 2 years. Even after all that running... I still wasn't ever proud of my accomplishments because I was STILL FAT!! I didn't take up running for fun, I ran to lose weight. :/ Even 70 pounds down, I was still 30 to 40 pounds from my goal weight of 140.

Anyways, during my stay at Fitness Ridge I really struggled with feeling proud of myself. It was a LONG week of a lot of time to work hard, push and challenge yourself and THINK.

In one of our classes with Sione (from BL season 7) I kinda had a break thru. It was a REALLY hard class. Well,it was called Mountain. It was about a 45 minute class with 3-4 minute intervals to "reach the mountain". So it was a continuous push to the top, harder faster every 3-4 minutes. In the beginning he asked us to pick a goal, I was feeling like making the most of it and getting my booty kicked but I couldn't run because of my heel so I was on the bike so I picked maintaing my speed or increasing and getting to level 15. I knew it was going to be hard, but I HAD NO IDEA HOW HARD. I had only gone to 10 before EVER and I didn't ever think of pushing harder.

I told Tamara my goal, because she was next to me and I needed her to know so I would be sure I hit it.

Sione is really good at the whole "let yourself be great" speeches. The music was great, and loud like I like it and he was talking to us all about our families at home supporting us and cheering us on and about challenging ourselves and how we are stronger than we think we are and all this junk and I of course started crying and of course... I made my goal,it was really hard but I was sick of feeling like a failure and I decided then that I wasn't going to be a failure any longer.

The support I have from my husband, my parents, my extended family and friends is really UNBELIEVABLE TO ME!!! They are the BEST!!! If they all love me and believe in me then I was the only one to blame for holding myself back.

I was climbing the "mountain" when I remembered when my husband and I ran our first half marathon. My mom had our son, and our closest couple friends, Vicki and Darryl, were teaching at church that morning, so we didn't plan to look for anyone standing along the route, cheering us on.

As we were running, just after the route cleared out so we were running almost alone.... we SPOTTED VICKI AND DARRYL!!! It was an indescribable moment of love and appreciation!! We were kind of in shock the first time we saw them but we saw them a few more times and made sure to stop and hug them. I don't know why it meant so much to have them there cheering us on, but it did and I'll never forget it, it was SO encouraging!!!

Remembering that whole scenario while climbing the "mountain" of course didn't help the tears. <3

A few days later, it was my groups turn to do the Stop Sign. It was 4 miles and 1,000 ft incline. So it wasn't crazy steep, but up hill just enough, the ENTIRE WAY!!! It wasn't like it was a race, but I was with people who were at my "skill or speed level". It was the only hike where you could wear your headphones and it was just you and the mountain. I had no idea how far I had gone, and it was a whindy path so you couldn't even know if you were close really until you could actually finally see the stop sign at the end. I just kept pushing. I had just caught site of the yellow sign showing that there was a stop sign ahead and I was FINALLY so proud of myself for pushing and making it to the top, when one of our hike guides, drove by and said,"you're doing great!" and I lost it.... :) I don't know why sometimes it is so hard to feel proud of your accomplishments, but turns out it is. Somewhere I have a picture of myself still crying and hanging on to the Stop Sign.

Don't get me wrong, I know I cannot do ANYTHING without GOD's help!!!! I wouldn't even be on the planet without him and most days, probably not even out of bed. We were just reading in John this week in our Friday life group, even Jesus cannot do things on his own "I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me." John, 5:30 and another verse about God's strength, Philippians 4:13,"I can do all things through him who strengthens me".

I desire to bring glory to God and be a testimony for him and I think he's ready for me to do what I need to do to stop letting food and my fears distract me from him and hold me back from the best that he has for me, and his plan for my life.

I pray that I can be an encouragement to you, as so many have been an unforgettable encouragement to me!!!

LSL <3

A few more tips

2012-02-17T14:07:00.000-08:00

Ok so here are a few more things I picked up at Fitness Ridge.

It is important to eat BALANCED meals.
Whole grains, protein, fruit and veggies.
We can get into suggested servings sometime. What has been the MOST beneficial part of this balanced suggestion, is that I have spent the past 16 years cutting out SOMETHING. Sometimes it's white breads and pastas, sometimes it's even fruit or fat or all carbs, or red meat. BALANCED is what they suggest.

If you eat a whole grain and protein and a fruit at breakfast you will feel full and satisfied longer. You can skip the whole grains, but the fiber is great for you and keeps you full and will help you to not CRAVE more sugar later on.

They also suggest you NEVER eat a CARB WITHOUT PROTEIN. You will get a spike in your insulin levels and you don't want that!

Also they say always make a plan that INCLUDES your favorite foods. Feeling deprived won't help anyone!

Our bodies only recognize nutrition, NOT STUFF (processed junk).

We will feel fuller and healthier and more satisfied on whole foods.

If you KNOW you are a late snacker, SAVE calories for that snack! Don't pretend you aren't going to do something you ALWAYS do.

If you are an emotional eater, pick a specific food to "allow" yourself to eat if you are feeling crazy. Jen talked about having a specific food for that, like popcorn or someone else hid 45 calorie fudge pops in her freezer. Worst case scenario you eat the ENTIRE box and you have done less than 500 calories worth of damage. 500 calories can be undone.
"there is no GOOD OR BAD, there is only what you've done."

Journal EVERYTHING so you can keep track of what you are actually consuming so you know how to adjust.

If you are "afraid" to eat carbs. Some of us sometimes are, I have heard lots of people suggest (Bob Harper included) don't eat carbs at dinner, keep it lean and green. But if not having carbs at dinner makes you crave dessert before bed, eat a whole grain at dinner ;)

I hope some of you found this helpful ;)

LSL <3

A few tid bits

2012-02-16T18:53:00.001-08:00

Ok, so here are a few things I've picked up this past week that I think could help you as well.

Biggest Losers Fitness Ridge really is like a health and wellness spa/resort. So we didn't just have exercise classes, we also had lectures from a dietitian and a life coach.

Some ideas I really found helpful from the life coach, Jen.....

She always said,"create as many ways as possible to be right."
For example, instead of setting a specific limit of caloric intake,Like 1200 calories, set a goal RANGE, maybe 1200-1400.
For me, as a restrictive eater, all or nothing, if I set my goal for the day at 1200, but I ate 1250, all I accomplished was confirming the fact that I am a failure! :/ then what happens when I repeatedly feel like a failure? I eat :/
Also, a range for exercising, I typically exercise 5 days a week, sometimes more sometimes less. So I will set my range for 4-5 times a week. Is it the end of the world if I miss one workout? No, I can always workout more another day! Even the 4 days I DID go should be a victory, not a failure, because I missed one!

That being said, there is a lot of math we really should all know. I'm TERRIBLE at math so I'll give you the general gist and hopefully that will do it.
So I did RMR (resting metabolic rate) testing. I found out that my body will burn 2002 calories every 24 hours even if I were sleeping. This number is based on your weight, age, height, gender, muscle mass, and basically you. You can get a guesstimate on shapeup.org but as an example, since it doesn't have all the info that is you, that site said mine was 1700. It seems to me, that this info may be even more important the less weight you have to lose. :/ also this RMR # goes down approximately 100 calories every 10 pounds you lose.
So to lose ONE pound you need a 3,500 calorie deficit.
RMR+activity calories+exercise calories - what you eat.
I.e.
2002 RMR
+400 activity
+500 calories burned in exercise
=2902
-1200 calories of food intake =1702 total calories deficit for the day.

1702 X 7=
11,914
= 3.4 pounds lost in one week

Ok I think that's right. IF that is correct, that's fine and good, but how realistic is it to stick to 1200 calories EVERY day? How practically can I burn 500 calories at the gym 7 days a week?

I WANT TO LOSE that much or more, but as these women have taught me,when I commit to a # like 500 everyday and ONLY 1200 calories I am committing to a certain lifestyle. Which is good, but maybe not practical.
Also just a tiny wrench to throw in... The machines at the gym don't know you either. Today the treadmill said I burned over 100 calories MORE than my Polar Watch (which has my info and heart rate). Over a weeks time that's A LOT!!!!

Oy! I'm sorry it's not all bad news!!! On the plus, if I am having a "bad" day or whatever, I can eat 2002 calories and know I will not GAIN weight. Knowing does seem to be half the battle. ;)
"Who cares what your IN is if you don't know what your OUT is". Jen We cannot just guess at our numbers without being wrong and\or disappointed with the results.

Sorry,that was a lot of info at the end, but it's important to know what kind of expectations we should REALLY have for ourselves. We need this info, I believe, to set realistic attainable goals.

More later <3

LSL

Home from Fitness Ridge

2012-02-15T11:24:00.000-08:00

We made it!! Tamara and I are home from Biggest Losers Fitness Ridge!!! I think she lost 8 pounds and I lost 3, at the resort. And by the time I got home I was down 7 total for the week. :)

More importantly, I discovered that it was possible to be proud of myself and thru some classes I learned how not to view myself as such a failure so often. That doesn't sound like a very nice thing to say about myself, but it's true. I have been dieting for 16+ years and just getting fatter and fatter. I have lost hundreds of pounds all together and I have trained for and completed 2 half marathons, all without ever feeling proud of my accomplishments at all because in the end I was still fat! still a failure.....

Anyways,I was made aware of the fact that I felt that way because I wasn't really giving myself much of a chance, because I am a restrictive eater and pretty much all or nothing and I guess I possibly had some unrealistic goals and not great ways to achieve these goals. I was given some great tools to behave differently and get different results, by the life coach and dietitian there. It all makes much more sense now, and I am feeling more hope full about getting to my goal weight than I ever have before!! Yay!!

I'll post some tips later and maybe just an idea of what I am doing in case anyone is interested. :)

LSL <3

Normal Eating

2012-02-08T20:08:00.000-08:00

ok. something from tonights lecture.

DEFINITION OF NORMAL EATING by ellyn Satter,MS,RD,LSCW,BCD.-
Normal eating is being able to eat when you are hungry and continue until you are satisfied. It is being able to choose food you like and eat it and truly get enough of it; not just stop eating because you think you should. Normal eating is being able to use some moderated constraint in your food selection to get the right food, but not being so restrictive that you miss out on pleasurable foods. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad or bored, or just because it feels good. Normal eating is three meals a day, most of the time, but it can be choosing to munch along. It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste wonderful when they are fresh. Normal eating is overeating at times;feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. It is also under eating at times and wishing you had more. Normal eating is trusting you body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life. In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your emotions, hours, schedule, your hunger, and your proximity to food.

Remember that you don't have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. Progress, not perfection is what counts. It is the whole diet, not just one individual meal or snack.

here's to healthy eating. :)

LSL

Fitness Ridge

2012-02-08T19:36:00.001-08:00

ok so..sorry it has taken me so long to catch up. The schedule is pretty tight until after our last lecture at night and that usually ends between 7 and 7:30 and by then we are pooped, or doing laundry or watching BL :) or catching up with the fam.
One thing i need to share today is that.... this is not entirely the place i thought i was signing up for. I knew it had a spa and some classes but their focus really is no over all health. NOT JUST WEIGHT LOSS. That being said, they do not care if i lose 5 or 10 pounds while i am here.
I thought I would come here and potentially lose 5 to 10 lbs. Now that being said,,,i possibly could, but not most likely.
I just want you to know, so that you are not disappointed,because they are teaching me about so much more than i could imagine. that will hopefully lead to the dream, wich is being a leaner healthier me, with a healthy reationship with food, and will END THE DIETING CAREER!!!!!!

Tonight at the lecture i didn't' have a light bulb moment. But the dietitian did do a great job of teaching us the importance of having a healthy normal relationship with food. Which for 16 years, i have not.

they are teaching us.....
what foods are best to eat, and how to eat balanced meals.
how many calories to eat.
how to learn to intuitively eat(i.e. normal eating)
how to push ourselves.
how to walk into any fitness class and feel confident even if you have never attempted it before.
how to stretch properly.
how to feel good about ourselves basically.
how to overcome.
how to trust ourselves.
how to enjoy healthy whole foods.
how to cook them.
how to emotionally eat when necessary.
how to have a treat without feeling guilty.

if you are not a professional dieter, this may sound stupid, and I get that. But for me.... it IS GOOD. life changing, and priceless.

I expressed my disappointment that it is called BL's fitness ridge. that is just because the producer of the show, basically likes it here and they have a similar program.

that being said... they said tonight that we may not lose much in one week, because our body's are in shock basically, but in the next week or two, we can expect it to show up, if we keep up with a program they will help send us home with.

Thanks again for all the love and support!

LSL

Schedule ;)

2012-02-05T12:00:00.001-08:00

Fitness Ridge

2012-02-05T09:42:00.001-08:00

Ok I'm not sure I'll be able to handle all the blessings. SERIOUSLY!!
Here's the last few hours. My loves dropped me off at the airport! <3 kisses and well wishes <3

My flight left on time. I did not pay to select a seat. Someone asked me to switch with him so he could sit with his group, I switched to an isle seat in row 9 (from 24). Beside two very tiny girls so I had tons of room!!!
The battery in my laptop lasted till the very end of Julie and Julia <3
Then I wrote in my journal that Margie gave me, with tons of fabulously appropriate scripture!!!!
Then I landed and got a text from her with a sweet prayer.
And an update that my boys still made it to church (jack was up all night coughing).
My flight landed EARLY and I caught the early shuttle, vs. spending an hour and a half at the airport!!! With only TWO other people in tow!!!
Then I just checked my email and went to post this horrible picture and turns out my camera IS WORKING!!!!
Yay God!!!!
That being said, I wanted to share my official weight this morning just incase I have a great week ;)
Well, I'm HAVING a great week, but you know what I mean. <3
Lots o love
LSL

Grateful

2012-02-05T03:36:00.001-08:00

Good morning!! Well I got up at 4am, out the door by 5. My sweet hubby and baby boy took me to the airport.
I LOVE that even though my little dude was passed out cold just before we got to the airport, he still woke up and gave me a squeeze and said,"I love you!!! Have FUN!!!." :) awe.....

Have I mentioned that I have the the best hubby on the planet!!! I'm so thankful for him!! He REALLY does want what's best for me an supports EVERY thing I've ever wanted to do! <3

I'll try and quit gushing now, but really I'm just feeling so thankful, supported, encouraged and loved <3

My parents will be helping with my son and I am eternally grateful!!!!

I know it's just one week away, but you fellow mommies know most days, a 15 minute shower is sometimes the most peace and quiet we can hope for in a day. I'm praying for rejuvenation and a jump start in my journey!!!
Of course for the moment I struggle with being so stinkin excited, I can't stand it!!!! And wishing Ej could have come with me and wishing I could be home with my kiddo.

Bout to get on the plane!!!! Love love love!

LSL

Master Your Metabolism

2012-01-30T15:38:00.000-08:00

Um, Yes PLEASE! :)

Jillian Michaels published a book in 2009 called Master Your Metabolism. I recently received this book from my mom. I think she bought it as soon as it hit the shelves and I even remember flipping thru it a time or two. It just seemed a little bit overwhelming.

Well, here I am three years later, 16 years into my career of dieting and since I have not yet mastered my Metabolism, and had a few hours in the car to read this weekend, I decided to give it another go.

I have been literally begging and crying, pleading with God and have gotten desperate enough to beg a television show to help. From the first page I have felt like a fool for not trying this before.

I promised to share everything I learn and do and try during this journey so hear it is.

At the beginning of the book she hooks me with this....

Hormone Hell Strikes Again.

Let me guess do you have.....

A scale that's stuck, no matter how little you eat or how much you exercise?

A sagging energy level that seems only to be getting worse?

Skin that is starting to turn sallow or wrinkle excessively - and you are not even past forty?

Skin that is constantly breaking out-and you're decades past adolescence?

Moods that peak and trough unpredictably?

A monthly cycle that drives you (and everyone around you) absolutely nuts?

Crushing fatigue that doesn't improve, no matter how much sleep you get?

A burned-out-"crispy" feeling that you cannot shake?

Have you lost and gained the same five, ten, twenty pounds, over and over?

Or, more likely, have you lost and gained steadily more each time, losing ground, getting more and hopeless????

um..... YES!!!!!

Step one- Remove. Eliminate the Antinutrients That Trigger Your Fat Storing Hormones.

Going organic friends. What's funny about this is that my gal Margie (and life group partner friend) has also recently made an organic choice for her family recently and I didn't think she was crazy. She often thinks people will think she's nuts (sometimes she is <3 lol) I mostly think she is strong and brave, and an excellent mother!
Anyways, I just kind of thought, good for you! I have bought organic milk for a long time and usually eggs,and natural cleaning products, but the rest seems overwhelming to me. But actually it is not overwhelming it is living simpler. :)

Well, sorry for the book, and not being around much, but that's it for tonight. I did not have a great week, as far as my weight goes. I am in the hopeless part of my vicious cycle. I did have a great weekend with some friends and some very much needed down time with my husband and little dude!
I leave for BL's Fitness Ridge in seven days and I plan of having a stellar week this week!!!

Week THREE

2012-01-23T15:25:00.000-08:00

Ah, week three. Well, once again I head into the week the same.... well, I guess I'm down from last Monday, but then not since Wednesday.
Looks like I would need a miracle to lose 25 in a month. Well maybe next month. So, today I was 235.I'm down 11 for the month, with only a week and a few days left... :/

I do have an appointment Friday,with the trainer at Planet Fitness to see what he would think would be a good plan for me. And as far as the other contest I signed up for a the smoothie shop...Not sure that's going to work out.

The first week I weighed in he said that the scale was wrong but he was going to leave it that way, and I weighed 228, which I have not weighed that in almost 2 years probably, so that was fun even though it wasn't real. Then this past Sunday they got a new scale and it said I weighed 240, which, that morning at home I was 235 so.... emotionally, I'm not sure I'm up for it. I will see if I can weigh in early this week, because we are headed up north, so I'll just see what the scale says and decide if it is even worth trying to be in that contest.

In a perfect world, I would love to lose 10 more pounds before February 5th, when Tamara and I check into BL's Fitness Ridge. If I can make it or not is anyone's guess, but I sure as heck am going to give it a go!

Oh, and I finally put a few pink streaks in my hair, and as expected.... they make me smile. :) lol

<3 LSL

Do you trust him?

2012-01-18T16:31:00.000-08:00

I have tell you, I am thankful to feel unstuck again!!!! I weighed in this morning at 235.2 so I am thrilled to be down 15lbs total, 4 for the week and a half. lol :)

I just hate getting to the place where I start to think that I cannot "figure out" how to lose weight.
I did go to the gym today and walked for an hour, I almost got to enjoying my music too much and started running but I knew my heel would hate me for it later so I didn't do it.

A HUGE success for me is overcoming the food addiction. Proverbs 3:5+6 says "trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In ALL your ways ACKNOWLEDGE HIM and he will make straight you paths.

I can remember on the Sunday after my rejection from Biggest Loser and Pastor Jeremy spoke on this verse and I think of that Sunday quite often, and I can hear Pastor J over and over in my head, asking "do you trust him?,do you trust him?".

And of course I do, so I need to behave like I do. Maybe I can post a link to that sermon. It was REALLY good! Wouldn't it be grand if I were that talented. lol

I hope you are trusting in the Lord friends, and having a great week! <3

Peace! LSL

Recalculating

2012-01-17T11:55:00.000-08:00

Today was a MUCH better day! First, my husband came home last night, and stayed all night, which was grand, I slept MUCH better. I think the past 5 days he worked like 92 hours.

Last night E.J. reminded me that maybe I should cool it on the exercise a little. I have had this happen several times where I get a little gung ho and I think my body decides I need to hold on to what I've got just in case, which makes no since to me, but anyway..... two examples, a few years ago I was 194 lbs. I got a personal trainer for a 8 weeks, had a near perfect 1200 cal diet, worked out with her tons and cardio without her and lost only 2 lbs, in 8 weeks.

I was excited about tae bo, back in the day. :) lol and did 4 weeks of that 5x a week, with a great diet and lost zero pounds.

Anyway, when this happens, and it has happened plenty, I do best when I cut my calories and don't kill myself at the gym. I know I need muscles, and I will still do squats, lunges, push ups and sit ups,moderate walking and Zumba as often as possible.

My goal is to lose 100 lbs. If I cannot lose consistently I will get discouraged and quit. :/ I am in this for the long haul. My "diet" is a way of life not a quick fix and I cannot wait to be able to run 6 or more miles or workout for 2 hours a day. I actually LOVE exercising, I just feel like I need to cool it a bit. :) That is what I will have to do to maintain and firm up I am certain, just not right now.

I could possibly add more calories, but as a food addict it is kind of tricky.It is hard to allow myself to have more of something I wish I could just quit altogether. I think once I have a handle on my food issues. I can figure out more of that. That is one of the reasons I think having a food addiction is one of the hardest addictions to have. You cannot just quit food. You have to learn how to live with it, not really without it. I think that is one of the reasons I don't enjoy cooking. It sounds stupid but I guess it is probably similar to other addictions, it is easier to "hide" food by eating in the car, or eat out at a restaurant because then I can indulge in eating food that I wouldn't normally feel is ok to buy to have in the house. I can't enjoy something I feel guilty eating. OY! I guess that's part of what I hope to get out of my visit to the Biggest Losers fitness Ridge. Is to learn how to cook healthy meals that I don't have to feel guilty about eating. :)

If you don't have a food addiction I may sound like a total crazy person to you. :) Sorry, I don't claim not to be a crazy hot mess. lol

Lastly, I just want to say I feel SO less crazy and down to day. I cannot begin to tell YOU how much I appreciate the love and encouragement that I get from all of you. By comments on here or on FB. I even got a card in the mail from my mom today. It was so cute and encouraging. <3

The Bible verse on it was Hebrews 12;1b. "...let us run with the endurance the race that is set before us."

Love ya'll, I know we all have different struggles I hope I can be an encouragement to you in whatever it is.

LSL

Week TWO

2012-01-16T07:11:00.000-08:00

Welcome back riders!!! Week 2 has not been by friend. I actually had a pretty good week. I went to the gym and had a great workout for about and hour and a half every day. I stayed within my calorie limit almost every day. I chose water instead of other beverages except for a few cups of coffee and one diet soda day.
My husband has been working CRAZY hours and I have not given in to my food addiction. Usually, when he works late or is gone, I use that as time to treat myself and my pity to horrible food, and I didn't fall for that this week. So I guess actually I did have a successful week, but since my goal is to lose weight and I did not, I am feeling a tad discouraged.

I do though promise myself and you, that I am on track this morning and will have a great week. I am struggling though to not play the mental games that I have played for the past 16 years. In the past if I have a no loss week, I start to get confused and decide I cannot possibly figure out how to lose another pound. I tell myself that if what I did last week didn't work, what the heck might I have to do this week to lose weight, and decide I am not up to the challenge.

SO....If I can get past myself and my past....I will decide to go back to the first week of the Flat Belly Diet and have a CLEAN week, which means ZERO cheating!!!
I will be in God's word EVERYDAY, and I will exercise everyday for as long as possible as hard as possible!

Then next week I will step on the scale in peace knowing I have done all I can physically do and pray that I get the results I am looking for. Even as I type this I feel doubtful. hm, no worries, it's hormones. :/ just being honest.

We are home today, Jack has the day off school, which is grand, because I slept horribly last night. We were supposed to go out with Dawn and Parker this morning and since I don't often get out with other moms and their kiddos I was really hoping to be up for it. But we were not. :(

I hope to get out to the store to buy a frame to hang a scripture verse above my sink. I do feel best when I am being creative so putting that together should be fun.

I hope you have a great week!
LSL

Goals

2012-01-11T14:50:00.001-08:00

I have had this jacket since eleventh grade. I LOVE it!!!! I even had a few of my senior pictures taken in it! I wore it with Jeans, chucks and a hard rock cafe t-shirt. It was a black and white picture. Hm... I need to look for it.

Anyways, I absolutely plan on fitting into it again one day! I think I was about 140 lbs. then, so it should be possible.

I have different clothes that I look forward to wearing as the weight comes off. I've only kept a very few of my very favorite things along the way. Every time I lose weight I celebrate by throwing away my fat clothes. No wonder I never have very many clothes :/

In having a 'my time of the month' kind of crummy day, so dreaming of wearing cute clothes will be my motivation no eat the entire house tonight.

LSL

Words

2012-01-10T15:57:00.000-08:00

I hope you are having a good week! I am so far. I've got to admit though,that I am glad I started slow with those squats and lunges. I am more out of shape than I have been in a long time. I decided to start with 20 of each, each day for the first week then i'll get up to 50 and add on each week.

Anyways, so sitting here now even my feet are sore. :) lol

One thing I have never been is a quitter! Even with my weight loss struggles I have really never gone more than a few weeks at a time just sayin "whatever" and eating whatever I wanted, honestly. I have lost hundreds of pounds....and gained them all back.

I just want to encourage you to keep going.Maybe not to keep trying, but to keep DOING!!! I know some people are discouraged by things other people say to them or have said to them in the past and they let those words hold them back and keep them from living in God's best for their life. I have for the most part been able to get over what people have ever said to hurt me. Don't ge me wrong....I remember it, but I have never let it define me.

For me the words that hurt me the worst are the ones I say to myself. I think most of us are our own worst critic.

That is one of the reasons I love this newest zumba class I'm taking. It is in the dark with really cool lights and lots of people!! The last class Dawn and I took was in a very bright room with lots of mirrors and only 4 people. I spent the ENTIRE time saying ugly things about myself. I hated the pants I chose, I needed my roots done. I couldn't believe I had gotten this fat AGAIN!!! I hated the way I looked in my tennis shoes, and why wont my hair grow?!

You can imagine why I didn't go back!

This time I took my positive attitude and went in the back of the class and followed Margies advise,"I just watch the instructor and think i look exactly like her" :)
I know I did almost everything wrong and this instructor was a guy, but I pretended I was a hot little tamale and had a GREAT FUN workout!!! I enjoyed every second of it!

SO please take care of and encourage and believe in yourself like you would your best friend. God loves you, after all he created you, he has a purpose for your life and as Pastor Dan said sunday, "God loves you so much that if you were the only one on this earth he still would have come and died just for you! he loves you that much!" If God loves you, I don't think he would appreciate you being so mean to yourself!

I got this Train CD from my hubster for Christmas and this song has been on my mind! I LOVE IT, and just wanted to share.

"Words"

TRAIN LYRICS

I'd give anything but I won't give up on you
I'd say anything, but not goodbye
I will run with your changes and I'm always on your side
And there's not a word I've ever heard that would make me change my mind

Words they'll try to shake you
Don't let them break you
Or stop your world from turning
When words keep you from feeling good
Use them as firewood and let them burn

Like stones in your pocket people try to wear you down
Someone always wants to take the love you've found
So let's runs with these changes and I want you by my side
And there's not a word I've ever heard that would make me change my mind

Words they'll try to shake you
Don't let them break you
Or stop your world from turning
When words keep you from feeling good
Use them as firewood and let them burn

Let them burn
Let them burn
Underneath every word somebody's heart been broken
With or without words we try to forgive

Words they'll try to shake us
Don't let them break us
Or stop our world from turning
When words keep you from feeling good
Use them as firewood and let them burn

Words they'll try to shake you
Don't let them break you
Or stop your world, stop your world from turning round
When words keep you from feeling good
Use them as firewood and let them burn

Let them burn
Let them burn

TRAIN lyrics are property and copyright of their owners.

Week ONE

2012-01-09T09:20:00.003-08:00

Ok, so this is the beginning of week TWO!!! I was 239.2 this morning!! YAY!!! so that's down 7 for the week and in December when I really decided to start this whole thing I was up to 250 so almost 11 pounds!

I set a goal to lose 25 pounds this month,(because of a contest they are doing on the Biggest Loser) so I have 18 to go.
My goal weight is 140 so still about 100 to go. :) To be honest I would really like to be lighter than that, since I have NEVER been skinny, or even close. I got down to 140 my senior year in High School and although I have emotionally come a long way since then, I sill remember feeling super pudgy. :( so we'll see.:) Being able to shop in "normal" stores and completely out of the plus size section is a HUGE goal!

p.s. I CANNOT wait to post a different picture of myself. This before pic is one I sent into the Biggest Loser with my application. HATE IT. :)

Peace friends <3

LSL

Squats and Lunges

2012-01-08T20:00:00.000-08:00

This morning when I was brushing my teeth, all of a sudden I just heard "squats and lunges. Squats and lunges would be good to do to get your body ready for digging in El Salvador."It was weird, totally out of no where, I was thinking nothing, except, brush brush brush, when I heard "squats and lunges".

Now, I have no idea if it was God or the Holy Spirit? I don't know how exactly to explain a thought that comes from no where, that seems it may have only come from God.
What I do know is that I wasn't thinking about how to get strong or sexy legs, I was just brushing. I actually don't prefer the muscular look. What I do know though is that I do need to have my body physically ready to do whatever God has planned for me to do to serve him.
I wasn't going to blog about it, but honestly I can't stop thinking about it, and I really feel like God knows that most of you know that I do not have a great imagination and I also do not lie or pretend well.

So at the very least, what I may have randomly been prompted by God to think of, and maybe remind others of, is that I am a born again Christian,saved by Grace and faith in Jesus Christ who gave his life for our sins, and my life is not my own. I was created in His image, for His glory and I am here to serve Him. He uses all of us differently at different times. I am going with my husband and some friends to El Salvador with Living Water International, this summer,to dig a well and I physically and spiritually need to be ABLE to do that!

I guess the challenge for us all is... are you ready? Are you ready to serve? Are you taking care of the body that God has given you? Are you using your body to bring glory to God?

Thanks for reading. <3

God speed! Good night!
LSL

Hangin on a moment

2012-01-08T14:07:00.000-08:00

I almost forgot.
The second half of that..."I'm on the Edge of Glory, and I'm hangin on a moment with you". For me "hangin on a moment with you", was me waiting to hear if Abby and I or my Aunt and I would get to have an opportunity to get cast on the Biggest Loser.

Now, I have decided, since that wasn't an option,that I won't wait any longer. I have to finally get my booty in gear and get the job done. Thankfully I have wonderful support including my husband, who I almost am certain not to succeed when he's not on board.

I have signed up for "Antones 20 pound challenge" and another biggest loser contest with some FB friends. I will not wait for a show or a professional trainer to tell me that I am worth fighting for.

I would like to encourage you to not wait for a show, or anyone else to believe in you. I believe we can reach our goals. Believe in your self. Help make it happen for yourself. That is the only way to truly succeed and keep the weight off.

I was not ok when I was rejected by the show. Sometime I will share more of that story. For now I would like to just share a verse that got me thru that heart ache and back on track.

Proverbs 3:5&6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.

Acknowledge the Lord in all that you do, he wants to be first, he deserves to be first and if you put him there, he will lead you. He promises he will.

I came to realize that by having my heart broken because I didn't do that. In a way then I was denying him and the role he plays in my heart and my life.

The Edge of Glory

2012-01-08T13:20:00.000-08:00

I made it back from Florida and got right back on track.....yay!!!

A few minutes ago I was folding laundry and listening to a song by Lady GaGa called The Edge of Glory. It reminded me of last summer when I was trying to get cast to be on the Biggest Loser. It became my kind of theme song. It was on the radio all summer and seemed to play just for me sometimes. Like right after I got off the phone with Abby, who applied with me,or when we got back in the car after the casting call. I even posted it on one of the casting directors FB walls.

Anyways, THIS time when I heard this song it was nice to enjoy it in a different light. I immidiatley thought I needed to tell you all that I am not on the EDGE of glory any longer. NO, I didn't get cast on the show and get to reach my weight loss goals and get to be the one who inspires by my success or by the success of the show.

However, I have come to realize that I do not NEED the show to lose the weight, I really thought I did, I have honesly tried EVERY OTHER ROUTE!! But today I was finally able to enjoy the song and drift into my own thoughts about what it is that I am looking for. I am not looking for glory or fame, and I am thankful to be where God has allowed me to be. In the end, I will get to my goal weight and give God the glory all that he has given me and the person he has created me to be and the grace that he has given me.

Do you have a theme song? :)

I'm off to get ready to try another Zumba class with Dawn! Wish us luck! Weigh in tomorrow!!

LSL

Vacation

2012-01-04T16:28:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm in Florida with the fam (-hubby, insert sad face ) so i am not following my exact diet, but I think I'm doing ok. Tonight I made Chicken Tacos for Debbie and I and I was so glad that she liked them :) I do love making food that I don't have to hate myself for eating.

Did you watch Biggest Loser season 13 last night? I went to the casting call when it was in Detroit. Oddly enough we (Abby and I) think that Cassandra, who made it on the show, was in line behind us at the casting call.

Anyways, so I obviously did not get cast for the show, but it has been fuel for my fire. I have decided this HAS GOT to be my season still. I CANNOT let another season go by where I just watch other people lose the weight.

At the beginning of the show last night they did a challenge and one team did not make it on to the Ranch but if they lose a total of 50 pounds between the two of them, in a month, then they have a shot at getting back on the show.

So I am thinking if I REALLY would do anything to get on the show, I should put forth the effort that they have to. Although to be honest right this second, on vacation, kind of, I'm not feeling my usual fiery self. I promise to be more inspiring and back on course!! I have been weighing myself, but since it's not my scale, I don't really see any point.

Also, I have been keeping pretty busy, even though it's been plenty of cleaning and running around, I'm much more active than I would be if I were hibernating in the snow at home. :)

I 'll be home for the weekend and might try a new zumba class on Sunday!!! Game on friends, Game on!!!

Hey one last thought! If I seem obsessed, I may be, a little.... but on Biggest Loser they have a make over show about 10 weeks in, I was thinking that I should set a goal for 1o weeks for a treat for myself, like a new shirt or maybe paying someone to cut my hair for a change. :) sound good? You should make sure you give yourself some treats (not food) along the way too. Be empowered by EVERY good choice you make!! You are worth it! and you know what?!? I am too!

Peace friends! <3

LSL

New Year!!!

2012-01-02T04:04:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year friends!!!!

Well, I weighed in this morning.... 246.2! :/
No worries.... That's still down 4 for the month, so I'll consider myself blessed!!!
Also, I'm still certain I would like to lose 100 pounds!

That's all I have time for, but have a great day!!! Drink lots of water!!!

<3

LSL

New Year 2012

2011-12-31T13:11:00.001-08:00

Hey all!! Happy New Year!!! ok, I know it's tomorrow but i'm sure everyone is at least thinking of what this next year holds!

I will be too busy tomorrow to check in. I am going out of town to see family and have to be sure to set my hubby up with all the right foods and snacks so that he can have a great start too! Debbie has been a wonderful support AS ALWAYS, and she bought some groceries I need so that I get off to a great start too. She is watching what she eats too so this should be a GREAT start!

Ok, well if you want to share, I'd love to hear what you are planning for New Years goals/eating/exercise plans/contests, whatever! I'll be sure to check out your blogs too. :)

Happy New Year!!!!
next.... the WEIGH IN!!! lol

LSL

Action Plan

2011-12-30T11:51:00.001-08:00

The first thing I plan on doing everyday is getting my mind and heart in the game!
I'd like to spend a few minutes at the start of each day in Gods word. And get some perspective and have a good positive start to the day!

Secondly, I have committed to 2 challenges to start the new year.

The first is "Antone Davis 20 pound challenge." Antone came in second place on BL season 12 this year ;)
I committed to one hour a day of exercise, for the first week. Then two hours a day 5x a week after that and 1 hour a day on the weekends.

I also joined a Biggest Loser 4 contest with my Aunt Barb and about 14 other people. The contest goes till April 2nd.
I'd LOVE to win that one and have some extra money for new clothes ;)

I will probably spend most of my workout time walking or biking, as I have had some issues with my heal and I want to be good to go when I get to spend a week at Biggest Losers Fitness Ridge ;)

That's it for now then! I'll weigh in January 2nd, for contest purposes and I DO plan on sharing that with you!

Have a safe and Happy New Year!!!!

Peace!
LSL

The Truth

2011-12-30T10:06:00.000-08:00

So starting with the truth.....

The truth is that I have been dieting for the "better" or worse part of 16 years. I have gained and lost probably hundreds of pounds.
My highest weight ever was 255, I got there or almost there 3 times, about 5 years in to my happy marriage, we loved to go out to eat, drink beer while bowling late sometimes on the weekends and we also loved going to the movies and OVER indulging on buttered popcorn!!! :) yummmmm

Then I lost 50lbs or so, and gained that back again, then lost it again to get pregnant. Then got right back to 250 before delivery, lost that....
And the cycle continued I got down to 183 durnig a contest at Metro South Church one year, and then took up running and kept most of that weight off for almost 2 years.
Then I don't know what happened really, life just got away from me and I gained all but 5lbs of that back.

I was doing GREAT the first part of this December untill I gave into my addicition and lived on mostly cookies and cheeseballs. :/
So with those two weeks behind me... I'm READY to move forward!!! yay!! With the support of my husband, and you all.

I also have to tell you, truthfully, I'm not pretending to have it all figured out, I know occasionally I will fail, I will dissappoint myself, you and my creator. But by the grace of God I'll get there! I CANNOT WAIT TO NOT CARRY THIS BURDEN ANY LONGER!!!

I'll get going on a plan of action and please feel free to post what you are doing to get in shape physically, mentally or spiritually. I could certainly use the encouragement and I know so many others could too.

Thank you in advance for joining or following me in this journey.

Love is all you need!!! <3 And I've got plenty!!

LSL

Sydney's Song origin

2011-12-29T12:12:00.000-08:00

Well, to get started I'll tell you where Sydneys Song came from.
My middle name is Sydney. I was named after my Great Grandfather, Sidney Robinson. I have always LOVED that name. In high school I wished I could have legally changed my name to Sydney. I guess it has always taken me to a person I thought I really was, like Lindsay would never be cool enough or fun enough or pretty enough, but Sydney, would be cool only because she didn't care if other people would think she were enough of any of those things. Sydney just treasures family and actually is different and is honestly ok with that.

Now that you probably think I have multiple personalities....

I was trying to have my blog page be called I Believe, but that was taken.So I prayed that God would lead my heart to choose something meaningful and not just maybe catchy.
What I came up with then is Sydneys Song because what I plan to write about and share is the person that I believe that I am and the song that is in my heart and maybe just a song or two that I have on my mind.
I have come to realize that if I do not live out my life based on what I BELIEVE to be true, then it's a lie, and I cannot possibly expect God to bless that.

I am absolutely thrilled with where I am, I love my husband, my son, and the rest of my friends and family. I just also believe that God has a plan for my life that doesn't include an addiction to food. I am sure He will use this process for His glory and I cannot wait to see what He has in store!

For starters I'll bring you along on my journey to shed my food addiction and 100 lbs.

2011-12-29T10:30:00.000-08:00

COMING SOON!!!